Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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