A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
