dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
