Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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