I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
