I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
