I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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