is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
