well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
