dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
