My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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