yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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