I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
