do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
