Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
