mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
