16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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