Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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