im six kinds of drunk right now
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
