I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
