yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pants are for mortals
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
