You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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