You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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