hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
