Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
