lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
