I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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