friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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