I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
