In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
