Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
