hell yes lets make some ravioli
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
