Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
