we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
