The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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