Me too!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
