We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
