pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
