i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
