Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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