I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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