I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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