It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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