u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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