sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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