Cold hands, warm shart.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
