I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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