I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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