had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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