Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
