i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
