So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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