i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
