My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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